Two Types of Lovers

By Marlon leTerrance

There are two types of lovers in this world, the ones I call "soft" lovers and, the others, "hard" lovers. The "soft" lovers are people who sail through life and relationships without ever experiencing anything that shatter or complicate their faith in love and their ability to truly trust other individuals. Their hearts have never really been challenged. They may have emotional problems, disappointments with their mates, but they never go through a time when they say, "Love hurts and I’m tired of being hurt. If the cost of caring for someone is pain and confusion, then I’d much rather be alone and protect my heart from everyone." Their understanding of love and experience with love remains unstrained, their hearts unbroken.

Yet "hard" lovers are people who lose their faith in love and then regain it; people who have to develop a new perspective on love that’s very different from the one of the past. Instead of seeing romance as a world flooded with sunshine, the way "soft" lovers do, they see relationships as a world where the sun struggles to come out after the storm but always manages to somehow reappear. Their idea of love is a less cheerful, less confident, more realistic outlook. Love is no longer the mythical emotion that sneaks up one night and steals away their heart. They understand now that love is merely the power that enables them to keep going in a stormy and difficult relationship. And like the bone that breaks and heals stronger at the broken place, like the string that is stronger where it broke and was knotted, their hearts have become tougher, more focused, and more patient with emotions, because it has learned it can survive the emotional loss and pain of someone close. They no longer look to love to answer their prayers and remove their nagging sense of loneliness the way "soft" lovers do. Instead, they now understand--usually through bitter experience--that real love can’t be sought out, bought, or stolen. It comes with the birth of knowledge, growing slowly but surly as we learn more about each other, liking one another’s presence and personality, understanding each other’s needs and character, and feeling the essence and deserving quality of each others care, attention and appreciation.


"Soft" lovers see love as an experience--sometimes a temporary one.


"Hard" lovers see love as a way of life.


And there’s a difference.